As you go about your day, there are little pockets of time that I like to call “social moments”. They’re usually a couple of seconds long, where you have the ability to make contact with and communicate with a random stranger.

I first noticed this when I was living in the CBD in Sydney – I’d hop in an elevator, and usually there would be other people heading up too or getting in. There would be this quick, momentary fraction of time where brief eye contact would be made and words could be exchanged. So I started experimenting. At night I’d always ask “how was your day”. During the day, it was almost always “great/awful weather isn’t it” (yes, I realise how tacky that is).

Interesting things started happening. People would smile, make a comment back, and smalltalk would be made. Once smalltalk begins, the social skills you develop through studying pickup kick in. You can lead the conversation in several directions, from just being social, to flirting, to going off into a conversation about something you have in common.

How does this apply to meeting girls?

Well, think about what an AI (approach invitation) is. It’s a momentary glance or smile or body repositioning from a girl in your vicinity – something most commonly seen when you’re out doing daygame and a girl walks past you and smiles. This is a “social moment”. AIs are a subset of social moments, and usually last more than a fraction of a second. Though if you’re externally focused, and “in state”, AIs can last much longer.

The application part of this is pretty straightforward – when you’re entering the presence of a person or a group of people you don’t know, watch for the flicker of eye contact or recognition in their body language, then open your mouth and talk. Or at the very least smile. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with what happens.

Are there cultural differences with this? Yes, most definitely. In certain parts of Asia where people are less outgoing and less social in general, you’ll receive fewer responses, or maybe just a small smile to anything you say. Just remember that it’s them being shy, it has nothing to do with you.

Some pointers:

• It really helps to make eye contact before you say anything.
• Be sure to speak loud enough that the other person hears you.
• Be aware of just how much people around you send most of their time internally focused, thinking and playing out thoughts in their heads. The people that will give the best reactions are those who are externally focused (which you should also be).

Alex Flair and I had some fun with this in Sweden when heading home on the T-Bana at 5 in the morning… as we ascended out of the station on the escalator, a cute Asian girl stood behind us. Alex suggested I open, so… I turned around, smiled, made eye contact, and said “How was your night?” and off we went. She ended up coming back to our apartment and hanging out for an hour or so. We suspected that she wanted a spitroast… so we had to let her go

Project Rockstar 2010 has been officially announced over at http://www.projectrockstarblog.com/

This year it’s being spearheaded by Jeremy Soul, and is going to be set in London and Stockholm (also known as heaven on Earth). I expect this year’s Project Rockstar to be vastly different from last years – different emphases, less hectic travel schedules, hopefully less swine flu… and for the first time ever, the inclusion of both female participants and dating coaches.

Small side tangent:

Soul, Starlight and myself did an experimental “trial run” last week in San Francisco – we took a group of 6 women out on the town, and taught them how to cold approach and talk to guys. Starlight has a copy of the mindmap we came up with over at his blog: http://www.thestarlightblog.com/2010/02/girl-game-girls-get-a-strategy-to-meet-mr-right-in-san-francisco/

The distinctions we came up with are pretty fascinating. Openers work differently, the structure of emotional progression works differently, and going for the “close” goes differently.

It was a great learning experience all around, and I’m sure I’ll share some of the insights with some of my female friends over the coming weeks.

Back to Project Rockstar:

I’ve gotten a lot of questions about if people should apply, how much it’s going to cost, was it worth it, what’s involved, how to write an application etc etc… so I thought I’d answer some of the more common questions here.

Who is this suitable for?

If you are male, or female, and want more out of your life in general, you should consider applying. You are going to learn more than just how to date pretty much whoever you want – you are going to learn about social circles, about different ways to make and manage money, and different ways to live your life. The way it turned out last year, the remaining Rockstars at the end were all around 20-30 years of age. I don’t think that age matters that much if you are committed to making a change if your life. If you think you have what it takes – apply!

How much will/did it cost?

The answer is: it depends. If you live in the UK and you plan properly, you can probably do it for $2,000 or so. If you live abroad, you have to factor in plane tickets to-and-from Europe. I personally spent about $15,000 last year, though that was flying business class to-and-from the US, staying in nice hotels and eating out most of the time. Living in a convenient area in London, perhaps striking up a deal with a local Chinese restaurant to deliver takeout nightly and good planning will go a long way to reducing your costs.

Was it worth it?

Absolutely. Two events stand out to me from last year: 1) When my business started to take off, and 2) Project Rockstar. I saw it as an 8-week investment into improving my life – a chance to get away from old anchors and habitual patterns, and to both do something different and learn about a completely new way of living socially. It really comes down to asking if you’re willing to put on hold everything in your life for 6 (in my case 8 ) weeks, and walk away with more mentors, knowledge, experience, contacts and capabilities than the average person acquires over 2 lifetimes. Over that 8 weeks I also made friendships that will be with me for the rest of my life. Was it worth it? Fuck yeah.

How has life been since Project Rockstar?

I’m not going to go into personal details, but… one of the models we learnt over Project Rockstar was that of Health, Wealth and Relationships. I personally like to add in an extra section that I call “Happiness”. My life has gained momentum in all four areas since the end of Project Rockstar. I am doing things in all four areas that I would never have considered possible before. More importantly, it is continuing to gain momentum, and I have a much clearer picture of where I am headed over the next couple of years.

Will you (Whim) be involved in Project Rockstar 2010?

Most likely yes, I’ll be involved as a mentor. I am keen on teaching some online marketing strategies to the Rockstars for 2010, probably closer to the end of the program. I will also likely teach modules in productivity and efficiency – I taught a Cliff Notes version to the Rockstars as an impromptu session last year, and it blew them (and the lucky Rockstar mentors who got cc’d on the email) away.

What should I write in my application?

Ahhh… The million dollar question. It really depends – what sort of person are you, and how much effort are you willing to put in?

This is almost like a job or college application – take your time, think it through, present your best self, and use proper grammar and punctuation.

Keychain actually has a great guide up here: http://www.adventuresofkeychain.com/2009/06/18/how-to-get-into-project-rockstar-09-directors-cut/ – I actually wish I had seen that last year

Here’s what I did to write my application last year:

1. Read the entire Project Rockstar 2008 thread. If you’re on The Lounge, you can see the notes I posted up as a summary from it. This year you have the threads from 2008 and 2009 to read.
2. Read everything Mr M has ever published. This year my suggestion would be read and watch everything Jeremy Soul has up online.
3. Wrote a preliminary draft.
4. Mulled over it for a week.
5. Reread my draft, and rewrote it.
6. Thought long and hard about what value I could bring to the program – what does someone like Mr M / Soul value? What value can I bring to their lives by being part of Rockstar? What value can I bring to the other Rockstars by being part of the program?
   
7. Rewrote my application again.
8. Gave my application to a bunch of friends who I innately trust, to read and reread and proofread.
9. Rewrote my application again.
10. Sent it in.

More tips:

• Use proper grammar and punctuation. I can’t emphasise this enough.
• Don’t be afraid to ask. Alex Flair, Micha and myself have all offered to field questions on The Attraction Forums for people interested – so ask away.
• First-received-first-read. Applications are being taken on a rolling basis this year, so the sooner you get it done, the higher your chances of being selected.
• Be honest. Present your best self, but tell the truth.
• Reputation is everything. A lot of you have likely been on Love Systems programs, and have rapport with your former instructors/approach coaches. I’m not saying that it’ll help, but you know a huge part of Project Rockstar is social networking…
• Go for maximum impact. Get to the point and convey your passion – for life! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So make it count.

- whim

I’ve been taking improv classes here in SF recently.

The original reason I signed up for classes was that coming out of Rockstar I realised that my ability to generate teases and make random, meaningless conversation was pretty bad. I’ve been working on it through some game-related techniques that Mr M and Dahunter came up with, but I’d heard improv suggested as a way to basically learn to pull stuff out of thin air, so I thought I’d give it a spin.

After two 3-hour classes (with a bunch more to go), here’s what I’ve learnt, and how I can see it relating to pickup.

• Improv games and state. Improv games are the best “state builder” and the ultimate way to make sure you’re in the moment, bar none. In two classes I’ve already learnt close to 20 different games, and they all involve generating material on-the-fly, usually while taking up physical and auditory space. Great for getting into state, and less weird than running around the club half-naked making animal noises.
• There is no preparation. Going into an improv “performance”, the natural tendency is to have in mind some sort of outcome or progression for the act about to unfold. Part of improv class is retraining your brain to resist this temptation and to go in without preparation. This after all, is the basis of improvisation. Applied to pickup, this would be the mindset of “OK, I’ve spent time learning and practicing and understand at a conscious and unconscious level what I need to do. Now I just need to go in with no preparation and do it.” Great mindset to have.
• The power of the stage. On stage, you are in character – anything is possible. Your character can do things that we “cannot” in the “real world”. The character can fuck up, can make mistakes, can talk about leather whips and whipped cream, can pretend he’s a girl or that she’s a guy. The character can do anything. This is a way to capture an experience of social freedom that most people cannot do in the “real world”. It creates realistic reference experiences that can be carried over into normal social interactions – it varies your normal everyday range of social behaviour.
• Deep breath is a line of dialogue that the audience writes. I saw this demonstrated in class the other day and it was pure awesomeness. Whenever someone says something and you don’t want to respond – you don’t have to. You just take a deep breath and let the statement sit. People watching will create a dialogue in their own minds. I see this being very applicable to pickup… the person you are talking to fills in your silence for you.
• Statements over questions. My improv instructor told us that amongst his pet peeves are improvisers who only use questions – this places the onus of the performance on the other people on-stage. The funny thing is that he also said “you know, in normal social interactions you can get away with asking questions, but it improv you can’t.” I found that kind of ironic given the standard Community advice of statements over questions.
• Your presence is an offer. In improv, this means that everything you do – your walk, your body language, your simple presence on stage is an offer that other improvisers can use to act on. In pickup, this means that your subcommunications are putting out all sorts of messages that people can choose to respond to. Sure, in the social world people are not incentivised the way they are on an improv stage to interact with you, but it is important nonetheless.
• Yes, and. I remember reading in a couple of places the power of “yes, and” in social interactions. Honestly, I am starting to think that its power is overrated. The problem with “yes, and” applied to pickup is that it lets the other person heavily influence the frame. You have to implicitly (or explicitly) agree to what they say, and carry it forward. It also reeks of trying for rapport. I can see it being used in a couple of different ways. If you say something, then turn to the girl with an expectation of a response and start her off with “this is the part where you say yes, and…” then she has to accept your statement and frame. A more useful structure to use for yourself, would be “yes, reframe” – negating her offer or statement and flipping it around to a meaning that you want.
• Improv games for attraction and comfort. If you have compliance early on then you can throw in an improv game to build attraction – I suggest something like the one-word-story, the bang game, or the give-and-receive gifts game. I can also see how improv can be used for killer amounts of comfort, because to play them you are essentially forced to go into rapport with the other person at a physiological level.

In addition to learning about improv, I’ve been applying some of the SCM principles I learnt during Rockstar. Here are some initial thoughts about how SCM works in an environment such as an improv class.

• Make yourself stand out in some way. Whether it’s through extraordinary skill in the task at hand, remembering everyone’s name, or dressing a cut above everyone else, standing out is good. It makes people remember you.
• 1-on-1 time. Climbing a social tree (or building one) is all about face time. Have little snippets of conversation with everyone individually, remember things about them and bring them up as callback in conversation later on.
• No material. Don’t use Community material. Tease for sure and be playful, but mostly just be a cool, chill guy.
• Alignment. Aligning with the instructor and TA gives you an edge of authority.
• Timing. I’m finding that I don’t really get this yet but I feel that it’s important. Before class, during breaks, after short exercises and after class are probably the best times to build rapport and connections with people. It feels to me that the interactions during these times are forced, but that’s probably just how it’s going to be. Using situational comments to start conversations, like “so how’s your week been?” or cold reads like “you look like a Bay Area girl.”
• Adopting stage personalities. I think it was Mystery or someone who said that an actor has the ability to adopt the identity of whoever he portrays or screen. It works the same way in certain classes, like improv. Whatever roles you choose to portray on stage carry over into the real world and in that particular social circle, even though people know they are simply part of the show.
• Contact closes. I am thinking facebook is the best, safest initial route early on in class. Numbers and inviting people out to events (especially if you’re inviting specific people rather than the entire class) must come later with more deep and wide rapport.

- whim

After being back in San Francisco for a few days, I’ve decided that the nature of this blog is to change.

I’m embarking on what I consider to be the next chapter of my life, one that will be remarkably different yet similar to the previous, and while I still want to document it I feel that it is something best done in private as it deviates largely from only pickup and social dynamics.

I will post the occasional field report and insight gleaned, but for the most part, I am deciding to keep those in my personal journal rather than publicly out here on the Internet.

- whim

So I’m here on the plane on the way back from New York. What a city.

(sidenote: as I’m writing this, the voluptuous Virgin America stewardness is shaking her ass bouncing up and down on the garbage bin trying to cram everything in lol)

On the plane over, made a cool startup/tech contact who was sitting next to me… he’s also a pimp: he was telling me how he #-closed the hot female *pilot* on his first connecting flight – yes, that’s right… the PILOT, not the stewardess

New York was insane. There are hot women roaming the streets EVERYWHERE during the day. Like, on EVERY street corner. There are even hotter women packing into the bars and clubs at night. CP & I were totally blown away.

We spent most of the time networking like madmen. I’ve said it before – the best line at any networking event is “Hi, my name’s whim.” Actually, that’s probably the best line everywhere lol.

Also got to hang out with BennyHanna, JA, BigJA, Grimble (from The Game) and I bumped into Bonsai/Sir Slick from the Lounge too.

Some interesting stuff I noticed:

• I’m getting really good at picking out DTF signals lol.
• There was one night where we went from a networking event to a bar. It was sorta weird. At the event, I was opening like crazy and talking to everyone. As soon as I hit the bar, I immediately had this thought: “Wait, these people aren’t here to meet other people”. What a load of bullocks. I need to do something to unwire this response.
• Talked a LOT with BennyHanna about how he works nighttime venues with a lower energy level. Interesting stuff (the key is self-amusement and enjoying yourself at night).
• BennyHanna is my new social circle/networking hero. This guy is insane at making people like him and meeting high-value connectors.
• At one point CP & I were talking to this ok-looking 3 set at a networking party, and they’re like “We work for (well-known social media company), we live in San Francisco”. Even though we were just talking business, as soon as they found out we were from SF they were all typical-SF “why are there men talking to us?” and blew us out. Seriously. I know their boss, and I want to send them more business but the fact that I’m a guy from SF means that they don’t to discuss it with me? WTF. Check out Why there are no girls in San Francisco
• I really want to move to NYC now.

- whim